I love all the weird and wonderful things about this world, and we are a disgusting species, but lets not lie we are hilarious. There is one thing that has always sparked a big interest in me since I found about about the number 1 on this list, and that is crazy sex acts, I always want to know A) who made these, B) what made them think of them and C) who the bloodyhell did they find to AGREE to being the recipients of these things?! I hope you all have a strong stomach and a good sense of humour, if you are prudish at all leave this page now. If you are extremely PC, leave now. If you are easily offended then again, leave now! This is your disclaimer, this is for comedic value and not people who are offended by swearing and rude things. With that being said, here we go...
#1* The Angry Pirate
This will ALWAYS be my favourite! I just find it hysterical and always have. For anyone who doesn't know what this is let me explain this to you in Gem terms. Basically while you're giving your fella a BJ, he cums in your eye and when you cover it he kicks you in the shin so you are hopping round shouting 'ARRR' like an angry pirate chasing him round the room, so basically you give to him, he spunks in your eye and wellies you. Seems a bit one sided doesn't it! Hahahaha!
#2* Simba
Who doesn't know the simba?? If you don't then I am confused and think it's quite cute that you have such an innocent out look on life. So lets go from here. With this what happens is a fella cums all over someones stomach and when the deeds done they take their thumb and stick it in said cum, then wipe it across the cum recipients forehead and say SIMBAAAAA! I LOVE this, it literally ruins one of my favourite childhood movies of all time, but all in the name of comedy right? Plus I can imagine Rafiki getting on board with this and laughing his little grey tits off! Monkeys fling their shit, humans wipe their jizz right?
#3* The Cleveland Accordion
Can I just say WHOA? Why? I open mouth laughed at this. It's so far past worrying but my goodness how this came about I think I'll have to look into because genuinely who on earth?! I'll just get this one over and done with shall I?
Where a man kneels over their partner, wanking over them, whilst SOMEHOW simultaneously SHITTING on their knees, before cuming on their partners face? Then in a whole mess of confusion slam the persons knees and face together... like an accordion. Okay. Can we just visualise, just for a sec. So you and your fella are in the mood, candles are lit, things are getting sexy. He starts himself off looking at you, alright? Then out of nowhere your hard af boyf starts laying a dirt snake on your knees, so you can't move away and continues to blow his load on your head, and as if getting SHAT on wasn't bad enough, this little fucker has the cheek to either get confused or start grabbing you and making you give the old high five to your shit stained knees with your fucking face! f*** this, Stop the world I want to get off!
*Moving on*
#4* The Angry Dragon
Because this just sounds funny, but wait what?! Okay spoke to soon. So a man gets a BJ (because all great things that happen start with a man getting a BJ clearly!) then after the job is done (pardon the pun) he finishes off in the givers face, then smacks them in the back of the head hard enough that it makes the end product come out of their nose, so when they get up they look like an angry dragon. Because what better way to thank someone for getting neck cramp and lock jaw than by making them choke on your cum?
#5* Vietnamese Hand Grenade
I've personally never heard of this one, so thankyou internet!
This one isn't really a sex move I don't think, but in a nut shell (haha nut shell) it's a man cuming into a condom, after doing it throwing it at someone they don't like. I can see this one being a lot more common than the latter if I'm honest!!
Okay I'm stopping at 5, because I don't really want to read anymore and trust me they all get so much worse from here. I find these hysterical because lets be honest, what crank is going to do these and for a late night read it made me have a right giggle. Honestly some of the things people do, or think of doing shock me and shake me to my very core. But I'll just say this, girls and guys, if you find someone who does any of this without you agreeing (don't know who would agree but each to their own), then beat the living shit out of them because getting webbed round a bedroom for giving your fella head isn't exactly acceptable is it babes?
Besides, I'd HATE to have to explain them bruises!
For now, signing off, hope you enjoyed this, and if not... why did you carry on reading?
Until next time, don't be a stranger and stay safe :)
x.x
