It's coming into summer hunny... soooo if you aint got your man yet, it's time to reach for the ho baton, and no, that isn't just another name for a random penis, but it could be 😈.
Ok sorry I've been MIA for a while, I've just had a whole lot on, issues with my crappy flat to finding somewhere else to live, so I've been pretty poo-ding on the blog front, apologies.
As I was saying, it's coming into summer, and I personally feel that this is a time to enjoy as much as possible WITH OUT the complications of summer flings/romances suddenly turning into winter dramas and situationships. So if you want to have the perfect no string attached, please keep reading below because I'm going to give you an outline of how to attract the perfect no drama fling, and how to keep it that way. As always there will be tips on what to avoid and why, because lets face it, we all need em, and you may need to revisit them when you don't listen to me.
So...
Tip #1) Look after yourself first. By this I mean, get the gym, do a workout, make yourself feel summer confident. It isn't all about the body but a confident you makes for a better you, which makes it SO much easier to walk into a situation where YOU hold all the cards, trust me ladies I've done the research.
Tip #2) Really look after you 😘. By this I mean if you're single girl, go invest in a new vibrator, one that does you gooooood! No showing off and ramping up your acting skills to feed an ego when there's only you, you know what you want. We aint fallin into any dicksand this Summer, the only sand we want... is at the beach my horny little humpcita... another moon we wait.
Tip #3) dating apps, because we all KNOW most don't use them for dating. But bare in mind that if you are swiping right, bumbling away or badooong through these coming months, if you're investing MOST of your time in this, then you my dear aren't ready to be a summer shagger, YOU are looking for a relationship when all I'm advising is an easy way to get the D with no feelings getting hurt. However if you are adamant, then make sure that you are swiping SOLELY for attraction, of course they need a half decent personality, but come on, none of that OMG we went to the same high school, he loves what I love bullshit. If you want the summer D, cards on the table and make sure you're safe!
Tip #4) Get Out! I'm serious, there is nothing better than the good old fashioned way right? Our parents deffo used to have a sneaky shag about (or maybe some not so sneaky) and the grandparents, I mean come on, they ARE from the Summer of love for the most part. And you know yourself there's nothing better than having a nice tan (fake or real if you're ginge like me then enjoy walking round like a bee keeper or chancing it to flash a bit of leg). Whip on those short shorts or beach wear and strut your stuff down the road, getting a few beeps, I know it's hella annoying but fuck it you know you look good, soak up the pheramones lady. That feel good factor will make you a lot more likely to follow your own wants and needs anyway, but being out and about you could just meet the one... for that night 😂.
Tip #5) Cards on the table. Be HONEST with your intentions. I'm serious here girls. I know we've all dealt in fuckboys, twats, narcissists, psychos, sociopaths, pathalogical liars, beaters, thieves and serial cheats the list does go on... but among the masses there really are some GOOD guys. Guys who would love a relationship, who just love a cuddle, who want to date and treat a woman like a lady. You need to be honest with your intentions, don't accept a date if you have zero intention of following through with it, if he wants to date you when you've offered him the sex, odds are he wants more. Not 100% but you need to talk about it. Because belieeeeve me girls, there's nothing less attractive than a grown arse man crying after sex because you refused to spoon 🤷♀️. You got your dick wet, why your eyes leaking man?
Tip #6) No Dating! Again this is what I just said... you don't need a class A sack of shit with a decent penis, that's why we call em devil dicks, because they trap us with false promises of life long orgasms and take em way at the drop if a hat (that's really what hurts our feelings right?!). You also don't need a lovely chivalrous man either, don't date me to fuck me, and don't fuck me to date me, and I wont do the same to you. We having the sex? Fuck the door just hold open the sheet for me babe and let me seductively crawl in your pants... NO dating, because then what next, if no second date, no second sex? Whyyy ew just wanted to jump on the sunny pogo for a term, don't confuse us 😂.
Tip #7) If it's getting heavy, gets gone. No emtoions, no deep conversations and absolutely NO 'just chilling'. You don't EVER get attached to a FWB, fuck buddy or a summer shag. If you feel it starting to happen, you break that shit off. I mean it, because there's no worse feeling than being rejected by someone you had no intentions of having feelings for in the first place. Sitting there thinking what, how is this possible. Next thing you know you're popping up on facebook, waving at them in their DM's, friending their mums and asking who this bitch Doreen is who keeps liking all their shit as if you two meant nothing. Don't offend his nan ok, they get really defensive of that. All jokes aside, What I'm saying is, there is more protection than condoms ok, protect your head and your heart, that shit takes a hell fo a lot longer to heal than chlamydia.
Tip #8) keep busy. Again I say this to protect you both, or all of you, I don't know how many are in your sex rotations 😂. I don't judge... I just admire.
If someone is just sex then you wont be having them effect your life in any way shape or form. You can still date (just set ground rules and don't cross swords, that's nasty). Go out with your friends. Go on holiday. Go the beach. Festivals. Do it all, you're still single, you just want to be ragged everywhere every couple days when you aren't busy but have them fanny flutters... we all know I'm right.
What/WHO to avoid
*THE EX -no no no don't you dare, you can't fling someone who you once loved. What's next, you gona let him go in bare back. Because nothing screams I'm just after sex like being shagged missionary while screaming I JUST WANT YOUR BBAIES at climax.
* The prospect - girls, maybe most are guilty of this, you meet a nice guy, get on great etc etc, don't be agreeing to summer sex with this one. If you're into each other don't ruin it before it's even started by going in head first 😈 no pun intended, but if it works 🤷♀️ it works.
* The wana be fuck boy *pause for eye roll* 🙄 And do you want to know why?! Because this guy just wont go away! He'll get what he's been after since day one and think he has you on lock. Eh no thanks! I wanted to be fucked, not fucked over.
* Taken Men 🤬. It makes me so angry that I even need to write this!! Because I know SO many women take absolutely NO issue in shagging someone elses man, or trying to. And you know what if any of you are reading this, invest in a giant dildo and go fuck yourselves. Because it might just be summer dick to you, but by you even putting the moves on you could end an entire relationship/family, and just cos you was a thirsty conscenceless bitch. If he takes the bait then he aint worth his salt. But I'm just throwing it out there, stay away from taken men, that's an absolute sluts move!
Do's and Don't's
Do - text back whenever you're free for sex
Don't - engage in meaningless chat ie "how's your day" unless it's followed by "you got a free house later" etc
Do - live your life and go the gym and make yourself feel good.
Don't - put your plans on the back burner whenever he/she wants sex.
Do - keep things platonic
Don't - try to make each other jealous
Do - kick them out after sex (not in a mean way, men don't like it when you say 'ok now get out my house' trust me, I know 🙄).
Don't - meet the family unless that's how you meet
Do - lay down ground rules and keep seeing each other to a minimum and OOSB (Only On Sex Basis).
Don't - start 'accidentally' bumping into them, that makes you a creep and a liar trying to get the feels.
Do - be safe, use protection.
Don't - be a bore, explore! You're only having sex, use them to that advantage, obviously only as far as you are both comfortable, never know he might love a gimp suit and feather duster up his arse, don't know until we ask do we 🤷♀️.
Do - stop if it isn't satisfying your needs, this is ONLY sex remember, doing it for YOU no one else.
Don't - get your heart broken. Honestly please look after it, we only get one.
I hope this helps girls and boys, because honestly if I see one more 'we're fwb or a fling, but I have feelings does he' post I think I'm going to just swallow my own fist in frustration. Sometimes it happends RARELY, where friends with benefits fall in love, but tbh usually it just ends with some funny sex stories, awkward avoidance and one hell of a head ache, so please please please read what I've wrote. I've been through similar things else I wouldn't write about it. I hope you have an amazing time all summer, and all year round really. But remember to make memories, not enemies.
And as always
Don't be a stranger and stay safe 😘.
x.x
