Now I know we always say that communication is key but what happens when people are using all the communication channels the wrong way?
I'm sure if you have stumbled upon this blog and THIS post then you're pretty sure what this is going to be about.
In this I am going to just give people 3 small examples of the things I've been asked for on social media, so maybe grab a cup of coffee, have your morning ciggy or toast, tighten your dressing gown belt and get comfy ladies and gents because you're in for a bit of a bumpy ride here.
Has anyone else ever had the unfortunate luck of being discovered by someone with a foot fetish? Well men with a shoe fettish aren't much further behind let me tell you. In fact in this case this lad, lets call him Sydney boy seeing as the lad was apparently from Liverpool but had moved to Sydney, I know what you are thinking and yes, I do cast a wide net!
It was a normal day, one of them days where everything is going perfect and your day is getting progressively better, it's pretty perfect, too perfect in fact, and you can smell something a touch disastrous in the air. The day is just taking you in it's warm embrace so much so your brand new black knee high boots have arrived just in time to throw on with your perfect little winter outfit. You have your boots, you have not so bad legs, you have a half decent camera phone and somewhat fast internet connection. So what do you do? Being the self involved little 23 year old you are? You take a picture and put it on your instagram #vain as per. Now I've painted the scene. I took the picture and uploaded it with something along the lines of #kneehigh #kneehighboots just to cover all bases in case someone saw the knee high tag and presumed I meant knee high toilet roll dispensers or something. Fast forward around 20 minutes and PING! My instagram inbox from Sydney Boy, just your standard get to know me message, Hi! How are you?' 'My name is Sydney Boy', 'You're beautiful', 'I love your boots... will you put them on and stand on me?' I'm sorry what?? I don't know about everyone else but when I go shopping for shoes the last thing I tend to think is, give us a sec I love the colour and that but what about the next time I stand on a fella? Are they stable enough? Is the heel sharp enough? Is it supposed to be sharp? Shocked myself with that one I just don't know. But he asked me this anyway, and I was so dumbfounded. I was like, I'm sorry???? And he proceeds to tell me that he is from here, he moved to Sydney and he loves women in knee high boots, and not only that, but he wants to buy me them so long as I just take pictures and put them on instagram for him to see (kind of reminds me of the random guy on BBM who used to find pics of nice heels and send them to me saying he thought they reminded him of me - we had never met). After I, like the curious cat I am, asked him 'why?' He says he just enjoys it. Odd. The conversation goes on and on, whilst I am obviously sending the screenshots to my mates. He ends up asking me mid conversation to be his owner. Anyone familiar with this? I know you are you dirty bitches!! If you don't know basically he wanted me to message him telling him what to do from across the world and he HAD to do it, and in return he would send me absolutely anything I wanted including money, and probably his penis if I asked for it. My friends of course egged me on, while some of them got a bit jealous because I mean, you're struggling for money and your friend is getting random offers of gifts and what not you've got to have some questions about the cosmic order of things haven't you?
So I agreed for about half an hour just for a laugh which I shouldn't have done because he took this really seriously. Now the lad is messaging me every 3 minutes or so things like 'ok now tell me what to do' 'what should I do?!' 'what should I wear?' 'should I ring you' 'am I good enough for that or am I worthless?' then he starts getting really weird and I'm like errrrr what if he is GENUINELY insane and he's messaging me in all seriousness, the buzz is starting to go as the reality sinks in that with every reply I send he is probably bashing one out lets be honest. Then he starts the 'tell me what to do!' 'I don't kow what to do' 'you're my owner' 'I NEED you to tell me what I'm supposed to do at all times' and I'm like whoa mate does this mean I tell you when you can and can;t use the toilet like some kind of perverted Truman show?! I'm the girl who had to block a guy on facebook because he told my mate that even after I deleted him on facebook he was still spanking the monkey to my profile pictures...?? AND SHE INVITED HIM OUT TO HER BIRTHDAY!!!!! Who does that? Serious, talk about facing the music. But this lad was really something else. He was so so needy and I realised he was serious, so I tried turning the tables a bit and go 'Okay I am in charge and I'm telling you to stop messaging me'. Like yes, winner Gem!! No no! He messages back about 2 minutes later 'then what?'. Like then nothing. I keep saying the same thing, until I realise he isn't going to let me off with that one, I need to verbally stand on the lads balls! In the end (after about 30 mins) I completely lost the interest and told him I didn't want to do it. and he starts saying 'You can't just leave me' and 'You're a terrible owner' 'Don't be a bad owner' etc. This guy will NOT go away. I literally had to give him verbals, tell him I have a life and don't have the time to spend my life dictating his and tell him to bugger off and find someone else. This spurrrrred him on. I don't think he even knew his own rules! I ended up telling the lad I'm bossy but not bossy enough to want control over someone half way around the world, and that with him being so far away it just wouldn't work because I couldn't be there to be in charge. After him pleading to come back home so I could own him properly? Then asking to send me videos and for me to set up a PO BOX, I eventually got him to stop messaging me. He still likes some of my stuff from time to time I think, I'm not 100% sure it's him but I get a lot of likes from someone in Aus who has a fondness for heels so I don't know.
Member of the B Squad
I still remember this one quite vividly, probably because I could never really get my head around what had happened. From my memory here is my story, and if you are the girl in this story please feel free to get in touch!!
I was sitting in the living room at my mums back when I lived there, minding my own business and I get a comment on my picture on facebook. Now this was my favourite picture on my old facebook, it was a picture from when I went to my first real boyfriends sisters wedding and despite not knowing you were supposed to draw your eye brows on I looked pretty good. The comment was from a girl saying that she loved my hair colour, and being the non ignorant person I have always been I replied thanking her. I didn't expect what was to come...
She then slides into my DMs saying I am exactly the type of girl her and her 'squad' were looking for. This was before T Swift came out with her squad, and after I had been in cadets and gone through my 'maybe I should join the army' phase before I realised I hated disciplines and early mornings. I was confused because I thought she was a lesbian coming on to me, which wouldn't have surprised me because of the last story in this post. But this girl starts telling me that I am good looking enough to be in her squad, like thanks girl, I think. Then she tells me how she lives in a big mansion with a group of really attractive girls and I look like I should be with them as I would help her cause? Does anyone see how confusing this would be for a 19 year old? In all the years of all the confusing shit I have ever heard or come across this was brand spanking new. I asked her what she was talking about because I wasn't into the whole porn industry thing, because yes, big house full of girls, a squad who had everything paid for at all times I just had to be good looking and move away from home to join, it sounded like porn to me, and if it doesn't to you then I'd say you're a bit odd. She must have sensed my tone, and basically what I had said to her and she text laughed at me and told me that no, she wasn't into porn. She was in an anti terrorist movement called the B Squad and that I should buy the book if I didn't believe her because she was mentioned a lot in it and her picture was in it and that they did secret missions. Now answer me this please, if you do secret missions and you have to be under the radar then why would there be a book showing all your photographs, talking about where you live, who you live with, what your target is and how you have done everything. May I mention that this girl was also about 17-19 years of age and I had a nose at her facebook (I didn't have her on there) and it was open, her pictures with the girls in this big house looked insane, all lying over each other, this was before I knew about google image search, I mean I had BBM, imagine how long ago this was kids! So I told her I would look into it and she sent me the link to the book, from what I remember it wasn't much. I will try find it online because I don't have my old facebook anymore stupidly. In the end after her lurking through all of my facebook and commenting on pretty much everything 'she' I say that in quotations because I looked quite young then and this could have been a groomer or anything I really don't know, all I do know is that she looked so legit at the time. I said I wasn't interested, obviously as anticipated she was really devastated and told me to definitely keep up to date with them, but eventually she left me alone and then she disappeared into thin air when I checked when I was telling my friend a couple of days later.
* I have looked for this book and all I found is the below, and now I am pretty sure it was an absolute crazy who had read this book or comic and had become obsessed with it and started convincing themselves that they were living a sexier version that this in real life and went round facebook trying to find innocent naive girls to join their B Squad'.
The Shower Video
This is a short one which I am sure you are grateful for at this point. I was again sitting at home in my mums on the couch when out of nowhere I get a facebook message pop up. This was before the days of archived messages and message requests. It was from a girl I didn't know and she said Hi, so of course me being the idiot I am replied saying Hi because I was raised with manners and clearly ZERO life skills. She starts to introduce herself and then out of nowhere I get a message 'WILL YOU SEND ME SHOWER VIDEOS?!?!?!' I was like, erm what? Is this for me? What do I do? It's a girl asking me for a shower video. So I say 'You want a video of my shower?' Because I think, well she can see that I am straight, I have still got pics up with my ex as we had only just broken up and I hadn't taken the relationship status down yet to avoid the drama messages and comments. And she says 'No I want pictures of you in the shower' or something to that effect. I was so shocked I had never to memory had any request like this from a woman at this point. I say woman, she looked about my age at the time which was either 16/17 or 19/20 I can't really remember. She starts getting really aggressive in her approach. 'I want a naked shower video of you' I was like no no no, I said to her that she definitely was NOT getting one and that I am straight so she needs to leave me alone, and she gets worse and worse. I got angry then, and being I'm a 5 ft red head when I get angry I'm like an angry little fucking volcano, I just erupt and once I'm off I'm not going back until I've destroyed everything in my path, houses, village people, the fucking SKY! I don't care. and this bitch was getting rude! So she's demanding and demanding and begging and pleading, 'I want a video, why wont you just send me a naked video?' Me: 'Because it's weird get the f*** out my inbox you f***ing freak!!!!!' and she's like 'don't speak to me like that you f***ing s***' and I'm literally caps locking the shit out this argument, like you know where you're shouting and screaming at the absolute height of aggression and fury via text message like the whole world of text can see you're the friggin nuclear bomb of the blackberry, but in reality you're just sitting there typing really fast *S caps lock button L caps lock button A caps lock button G caps lock button' and the rest of the room is silent and you are just breathing heavily but not too heavy because over it all you can still hear your mum laughing at Norris off Corrie on the other side of the couch? That was my situation. I remember flipping to the absolute level on this cheeky little bish on the other side of this conversation. Now I don't remember what exactly I said but I know it wa offensive as f***, I've just split up with my boyfriend, I'm now sitting here spending my Fridays with my mum all sad and single and on top of that there's some random girl wanting to see me lather up and sit on my face coming from God knows where. Er neh thankya!!
Anyway Lads and Lasses, that is a little snippet into some of the weird little things that have happened to me, I though it might lighten some peoples nights because end of the day no matter how shit your life might seem... at least you aren't me, sitting at home reliving my traumas braless with me gigs on looking liking like Blanche Barlow :).
Thanks for sticking round.
And as always don't be a stranger and stay safe.
x.x