I personally feel that women are the easiest to buy for, but maybe that's because I'm female and I love all kinds of s*** people would never deem worthy of being given for an actual gift. Socks I love them, mugs (not fellas I mean drinking mugs), pointless things like coffee in a jar shaped like a duck, yes this is all shit that I would absolutely love and hold dear in life. But for those of you who don't know what to get us here's a list in case it's your first time girlfriend, or lets be honest and it's the first time you're putting effort in because you're just shit or spent your life living on a commune.
Miss Nice
1* Jarmies - or pyjamas to those of you who don't speak like a drunken 6 year old - Show me a woman who doesn't like jarmies and I'll show you a woman I don't want to know, ironic ay. Either that or she's a nudist, in which case WOOHOO FREE THE NIPPLE! But even still, we all need something for the winter don't we? And I get that you love being free and all that but what's the point in being free when you're quite literally freezing your tits off, stood there like a smurf on vibrate?
2* Perfume - Perrrrrfumeeee, because you can ever have too much of the stuff, honestly I go through bottles and bottles of the stuff, I genuinely feel like I could help fund the perfume shops annual targets myself alone. My mum and dad asked me what perfume I wanted (separately, perks of broken up parents) and each of them got a list of literally 13-15 different perfumes because I. can't. choose. And I'm not even one of these girls who refuses to buy themselves perfume, hello I've been single over half of my adult life if I left it to other people I'd just smell like soap, sadness and vaseline deodorant and that just isn't good enough. I went the strand today on my dinner which is 30 mins and within the first 10 I had bought myself 2 bottles of perfume, no Christmas presents in yet, but perfume... I'm good!
3* Personalised phone case - because what can I say we're all really just little Cher Horowitz's deep down and love all things shiny and accessoryish. That's not a word but it definitely should be! There are so many! And if your girl is anything like me and she goes through at least 3 phones a year a phone case is PARAMOUNT and a pretty personalised one might get you them extra brownie points to get that little something something you want. If not, the fact she's made up is good enough right?
4* Tickets to that concert she's wanted to see - I understand that we are all equal of course I do, but the fact of the matter is I only know about 2 women who would love tickets to a footy match for presents and not just to see what their fellas love so much about it or to make sure that bitch Shirley he talks about really is 63 and goes with her husband. I know most girls I know love concerts, from Eminem to little mix so I thought that this was a safe bet. Myself I'd love to go see redbull xfighters and Anthony Joshua, but if you ask me what type of CC the bikes are or Joshuas opponent facts odds are I'll be wrong, but ask me about Eminem and I've got his life story boxed and the lyrics to his songs all floating about in my noggin so... I'm going with the masses here don't hate me.
5* Spa day - Lets be real I have never known spa packages and luxurious things to be so popular. Maybe it's because I was always too young to understand or pay attention, or maybe it's because they have recently just been on the rise, but you have to admit, most people love a good spa day. Take her to a lovely spa for a nice deep tissue massage and some couples alone time relaxing and a room to chill and maybe bump bump. A Turkish bath is great especially if you don't mind being slid around a giant marble slab by an old topless Turkish man who massages your bun (no I didn't mean bum, I meant hair bun, because, my life?), even just get her booked in for a facial, her hair done, nails, tan, lashes, anything just so she feels pampered trust me a little goes a long way with making a difference and adding that little bit extra sparkle to her life.
Naughty ;)
1* Dress up! - This could be you, this could be her. Personally I love dressing up, but I also like a lot of shit other people may not so you do you. But dress up and role play can make a world of difference. Seeing someone you really fancy dressed up in something you always fantasized about is always a good thing. Never know your gf could be like Monica Geller-Bing and secretly be into santa ho ho ho indeed!
2* Massage - Whip out the oils, get all hot and a little pre/post sex massage. Never know how you will be celebrating Christmas day do you? Sex is just a nice little way to celebrate shit and in my book if you ARE like me (you need all the help you can get) you'll like this once because suspense is bloody great!
3* Shiny new toys - Doesn't everyone love toys? Big ones small ones, fat ones thin ones, buzzy ones, fuzzy ones, kinky dinky and lovely ones? You have lovehoney, ann summers, victorias secret, bondara, scarlet rooms, even sextoys.co.uk. Seriously there are so many and I'm not going to tell you what to pick because some of you could love pin wheels and pineapple lube and have that be your lot, others could love them weird fisting but plugs and gimp masks who like tying each other to the ceiling like a f***ing chandelier while the other goes to work, I really don't know, so just have a look, the world really is your oyster... if you believe in that aphrodisiac shit.
4* Couples kinky photoshoot - Like I have said time and time again - each to their own. But I'll be straight with you here, women are pretty simple when it comes to things like this. Some may be shy but others may be out there loving their burlesque and embracing their inner sex goddess. How many times do you see a female taking a selfie, we just do tend to love the filters, the messing about with our faces, we love it when our skin looks flawless and we have the perfect combination of lovely and sexy on our faces, now couple that with the person we love and have our most sexual intimate moments with? Yes it may be in front of a stranger but you know what, once them first initial moments get gone it's great. And you can both play about and rile each other up for later, and always have those memories of that naughty time you both shared and how much you enjoyed yourselves, or if it goes the other way... how funny did you look when the photographer told you to both hold the strawberry between your mouths and she nearly choked on it? Ah memories to last a life time...
5* Jizz drinking game - Because I love shit like this. It might seem a bit daft but it's seriously just one of them things I think is always a good laugh. Fill it with the drink, you spin the little testies and pump it in a slightly w***ing manner and drink. Perfect for a hen party or girls night in where you do all weird shit like lets be honest the pencil under boob game and seeing who can make their ass clap... don't even lie who has all the girls round and there isn't the slightest bit of T&A? This game would be a good lightener and lets face it, the vids would be funny for the gram.
So there we have it for this one, A little insight into a few gifts for her for Christmas in case you become unstuck and either want to have a laugh, a bit of nooky or just want to see a perfect smile painted across her lovely little face!
Whatever you choose to do or get I think it will be just what you need either way, and if not, she loves you so you're safe. Like I always say it's the thought that counts and if you think about it then you've already got a good start... also if you think that the thought is good enough alone, think again bud you're failing.
Have a great Christmas my little elfies and a faaaaantabulous New Year!
Until next time, don't be a stranger and stay safe.
x.x