5 days of Christmas

Ok so we've all heard the 12 days of Christmas song and a shit load of bloggers have done blogmas myself included. But instead of doing the whole 25 days all running up I thought meh I'm not that established, you're all busy and probably can't be arsed and I've been super busy myself too (and drunk).

So I thought sod it, in true me fashion I'll do this a bit dodge and I'll combine it with the song... with a bit of a twist 😁.

So on the 5th day of Christmas the universe gave to me 5 days of detox.

Not the most fun thing going, last year I went on a detox and my WORD anyone ever done it? Well smart arse over here decided to do a detox along with work Christmas nights out and nights out with my crazy bitch mates! I don't think I need to expand on this, yes I was slim. But OMG I felt like my stomach was on fire. Don't do it girls and guys I won't go to into detail but lets just say going out was a gamble with the front flips my stomach I honwaestly thought I was about to remake the quiche scene from white chicks but I survived! Until the next day when I spent the day with my head in a toilet cradling it like a new born while I was scared to move because everytime I moved a little bit I thought I was legit going to die! Christmas detox, don't do it guys... just be a happy Christmas pudding!!

On the 4th day of Christmas the universe gave to me FOURRRR GOLDEN GIRLS!

Last year was funny I will say. We had an absolute ball. Started off with tickets to a bar because hellooo boxing night is absolute madness especially in Liverpool. My best mate doesn't have a valid ID or in date passport because the girl doesn't leave her estate half the time 😂. That's jokes but still it's an issue with nights out. So we ended up getting all done up and getting out happy days! Got to tge bar and had to argue my point with the bouncer over letting my mate in. He let up and we ended up having a ball, of course me the shortest arse of them all ended up pulling a 6 ft 7 lad called Charles, girls I had to make him sit down cos talking was hurting my neck I'm only 5 ft wtf! My mate got a cob on and my Irish (was mate) ended off sloping off to a table full of lads who looked like they'd crawled fresh out of an old crack den to celebrate Christmas tidings. No issue but yeno... no! The girl got a cob on because we didn't want any of them, like seriously they'd have been getting offered makeovers from jezza kyle! We ended up getting some group of lads and a DJ come over and ask us to go to another night club, which after not much careful deliberation we agreed to do around 1am. We got there and the night was a whirlwind I'll say that much, DJ got us all a booth, free drinks all night the lot... and for what? Sod all! They weren't even creeps just apparently liked our banter and the fact we were all sounddddd as. Although it did result in the Irish one going missing for a while and me feeling like my heart was in my ass and she had been killed or some shit 🤷‍♀️. The fact I just called her ex mate doesn't really help does it. But she's alive and kicking. Atleast the insta posts would have you believe. All was well in the world and we had an absolute ball. Just goes to show sometimes people just want to share the Christmas spirit.

On the 3rd day of Christmas the universe gave to me THREEE BOTTLES OF VOD!

HA! One bottle I'm drunk, 2 bottles I'm Plastered and 3 I'm licking the floor thinkong it's my new fella and I'm convinced a cup of vomit is an ice cold refreshing glass of water. So you can imagine how that Christmas went! Okay so I didn't have my cup confiscated again however I did roll up home with one shoe on and wake up topless on top of my mirror? Might have thought I was fit, might have thought some half naked red headed lesbian was in my room and fancied a bit of strange? I really don't know, but my money is on the latter and in all honesty I probably got half undressed, lost interest and decided to face plant my bed forgetting there was a mirror there! What is the moral of this story? Well, I'm not going to say don't drink too much am I cos how much of a hypocritical bitch would that make me 😂. No! What I WILL say though is, don't fall asleep on a mirror because on the odd chance you aren't protected by the angels, you may crack it and not much shouts I'm unattractive more than mirror glass in your cleavage.

On the 2nd day of Christmas the universe gave to me TWOOOOO new heels.

Now, anyone who knows me knows just how much I ADORE shoes! I'm female, I have a vagina, I love shoes it's just a thing ok leave me be! Well one year my mum was going on about this secret santa as if I'm that thick I wouldn't know when she's saying the girl loves heels and wants Kurt Geigers I wouldn't know she meant me like she hasn't been doing similar shit for years, since I exited the womb to be in fact. Well, you know what, I DIDN'T. And tell me now, show of hands, how many of you have talked yourself out of getting a new pair of amazing £150 pair of platform heels and INTO your mother buying you a £16 pair of heels from primark?! Yep I'm guessing none. Don't get me wrong they are cute but absolutely mo where NEAR the beautiful shoes she was looking at for me! Last time I try do anyone a favour. Either I was a jealous arse over my mum spending more money on a pair of fabulous shoes for a secret santa than she ever did for me, or I was actually trying to save her money and the universe thought nah, fuck you girl, no one cares you sly arse and whipped me in a pair of cheap arse multi coloured non platform heels (I trip over the large bows). and the moral of this story is... just stay out of it ok!!

On the LAST day of Christmas the Universe gave to me, ONEEE PLATINUM FAM!!

I don't care I'll be as soppy as I like, I'm sat here in my panda jarmies, drink in hand, my nanny and grandid are back home for Christmas which is the best surprise ever because it was the first Christmas ever they wont have been home for it. I've just got back from a meal, my dad and his on again off again ex had another blow up which resulted in her being called a bitch and him being a knobhead. But me, my 2 brothers and my dad are now home before me and my oldest brother go to my mums tomorrow, then the grandmothers before we go to my bestfriends for the FATTEST meal going.

Now I know this hasn't been anywhere near the best or most consistent blogmas post series going. But I work full time, and I just feel like the holidays, especially Christmas is a time to be spent with loved ones and new possible loved ones to come. And sometimes that means other things and plans fall by the way side. So I will apologise for not being consistent but I wont apologise for why I haven't been consistent because you can't buy time and memories are to be made by the moments we experience and enjoy. And I cherish every single one!

And as this is my last blogmas post...

Have the most FANTASTICAL FABULARSE AMAZEBALLS Christmas and New Year and all the love to every single one of you 💖.

And as always my beauties...

Don't be a stranger... and stay safe!

x.x.x.x.x.