Wow it's been a hot minute. And by hot minute I mean it's been over 2 years and a LOT has changed.
For a start I'm now a mother of two who is only just starting to realise who I am all over again, Gem meet Gem, and I'm not even sure I like her.
It's hard to rediscover yourself when you don't even have the luxury of pissing without a midget screaming MAMA at the bottom of the stairs so loud and horriffically that you shout as loud as you can "I'M HAVING A WEE FOR GODS SAKE JUST WATCH BABY SHARK" so that the neighbours know you're not injuring either of your children, they just seemingly want back into the womb!
Neighbours, yet another thing that has changed. The last time I wrote on here me and Pab were living in a house rented from my dad... and what a polava that turned out to be. Have you ever cut out half your family, moved and had another child in the space of 6 months? Because I have. I wouldn't recommend it, but sometimes you have to do what you have to protect your peace. Plus, 6 months later we were back to talking after quite the health scare with my dad. Life has a funny way of telling you to sort your shit out huh?
But I digress. In the some what short time since me disappearing into a bubble of shitty nappies, sleepless nights and regular tit punches the world has changed... and not just because I'm now responsible for 2 small humans who I'm quite sure will attempt to end my life early if the kitten we had is anything to go by.
We had a PANDEMIC! Was it though? Have any of you ever experienced a traumatic birth, fanny out to the world, poked, prodded, stitches, hemmhorage the whole shebang only to start getting settled into parent life only to then have the threat of you and anyone you love dying off a deadly inside melting virus😱? Because I have. Ok maybe not melting, but it might as well have. I was already a basket case, can you IMAGINE what it's like thinking your child will be brain damaged from a horrible birth ( a story for another time) to then being tagged in posts about rona taking the lives of babies? Complete fabrications and "false news" of course. But tell that to a woman fresh off the fanny fright wagon with post natal anxiety and you know what you get? A week of sleepless nights checking your child is breathing, intrusive thoughts and disinfecting anything and everything that passes the threshold of your front door INCLUDING your partner.
There's nothing quite like detolling your boyfriend after risking his life in the great toilet roll wars in the battle of bootle aldi, but we survived. We live to tell the tale. He likes to remind me "ay babe, remember when you used to disinfect me when I'd do the shopping and you emailed the WHO asking why their stats hadn't changed in the last hour?" Yes, yes Pab I do.
I fixed myself, my mental health, I attended reiki and WOW was that a life changer in the best way ever I highly recommend for anyone open to it. I also stopped watching/reading any news and you know what, a week in I felt incredible, bionic even. But that might be in part due to the fact that my then infant son had discovered how to rag my hair out by the handful and I still found the strength to not scream. I'd take 3 childbirths over the loss of more follicles ripped out by the root.
I've since had another baby, 6 months after having my son Riley we got pregnant again. I've always thought that was quite a hilarious saying, quite like when football fans say "we won". Like, sorry Mick I don't remember seeing you on the pitch running like a freshly released bullet. No, I got pregnant, I gave up the steak, the gin, the smoking, I gave up the nights out, the sui mais and the clothing. I don't remember the last time my boyfriend had a midwife shove her hand up his vagina to check his dialation, or tell him he has to grin and bare illness because they wont appropriately medicate a pregnant woman, that's right mothers of tomorrow, once you become pregnant you're treated like a walking incubator! Your body suddenly doesn't belong to you, your privates aint so private any more, in fact think of them more as a talking point, or an ice breaker if you will, you will find strangers asking how you gave birth, that's polite speak for "so, how did you break YOUR fanny?" and BELIEVE that once you are in labour you'd be welcomming your pervy neighbour in to pull that womb dweller out just to give you a decent nights peaceful sleep and tear the tension out of your body.
We now have a daughter, our little Mila. And wow, what a whirlwind she is. What was once a funny house filled with laughter is now beaten down with one whinging child waking the other up to then have 2 screaming toddlers for no reason. Yes I love them, but no, it isn't easy. I pull no punches, toddlers are assholes and I tell you now, the cuter they look the worse they are. All we get inundated with is "oh how gorgeous are they". Like yes Brenda I know they are gorgeous, but that doesn't give them a right to choke their friends and eat the bricks now does it?
They are cute kids though, thank the lord, because if my child photographs were anything to go off they'd be royally fucked. The universe set me up with a man with good genetics, and believe me... I am grateful. Looks and mumslagging kids off aside, nothing quite beats the smiles your kids give you, or the pride of someone you gave life to doing something so mundane. Have you ever been tempted to send a picture of a shit in a potty to the group chat because you're just that proud that your kids hit a milestone? If so, then you my friend, are a parent. If not, seek help. Imagine we still did that now, social media would be a literal dumping ground "look here's my husband Kris, he's 432 months old and pooing on the big boy toilet again, he also counted to 650 today when he was tallying up how much money he's spent on gambling, aw my clever boy". Just imagine it.
I have also gone and got my makeup qualification, that's right, I left the corporate world of utilities administration and am now a fully fledged MUA carving masterpieces out of the faces of people who just want to look and feel good and oh how I love doing it! It's just the creative outlet I need, it's weird rediscovering yourself at any age, but starting in the world of beauty/aesthetics whilst you're about to kick 30's door down is a whole other world of what the fuuuuuuck am I doing. But guess what gang, life only moves forwards. I once (a few times) read something that said "so you wont do a nursing course because it takes 5 years because you don't want to wait until 35 to be a nurse, so you're staying at the job you hate? Well in 5 years time you will STILL be 35, so why not be 35 in a job you love?" And that's really all it boils down to. Don't just plod along through life, don't just put your head down and do the work for an easy life. What's easy about being miserable every day? Take the chance. Put the work in now and do what you want to do. Priorities fly in thick and fast, enjoy every minute you can.
Since last writing on here my nanny Joycee found out she had lung cancer, battled it and accepted it, and sadly lost her life. But she left us all with a hole in our lives, lot to think about and with the best memories ever. In fact it's in very large part to her that I have started this again and started to find my zest for life again. A woman with 8 kids and a life that could have beaten down the strongest soldier, my nan still laughed her way through it all. I miss her inappropriate attitude, I think that's one thing I inherited from her. She was a tough cookie, had a great sense of humour and was a filthy bitch. One of the first people I told I was pregnant and the one who gave me the BEST response, I'll never forget how she cheered and how it made me feel like I was doing something right. She never once asked if I was keeping the baby (unlike some!) She never looked concerned, she just was absolutely over the moon which took me by surprise. We're from a really big family and babies are just, well, babies. But I never wanted any and I know she was always hoping I'd change my mind, God had her back on that one... because now I've got two. She always thought one would be lonely 🤣 crazy bitch 💙.
There is just so much, had someone asked me 5 years ago "where do you see yourself in 5 years" never in a million years would I have said exactly where I am today. But life has a funny way of working out and that's why I never had a 5 year plan, for the next 5 I just intend to be so stupidly happy with my life, my kids and my health because that's all we need. As long as my kids will be smiling, so will I.
If anyone would like any updates or birthing stories etc feel free to give me a message. I will be uploading a new series of mum blog posts, so anything you want to know, you know how to drop me a message.
I will also be starting a vlog/youtube channel, once I'm up and running I'll put the link here too.
Thanks for stopping by, and if you made it this far I wish I had a gift to thank you 🤣. As always,
Don't be a stranger
And
Much love
x.x
