We've all been there, unless you've been in a relationship for ever or you are just useless to the human race. We have all came in to contact with someone who has ghosted, been ghosted, or have been unfortunate enough to have had it done to ourselves.
I want to go through a few of the situations where you could be ghosted!
Number 1* The relationship Ghost
Heartbreaking as it is, this type of move has caused many a snotted nose and a runny mascara, which we will never forgive you for you selfish little demon dick, that's right we're a collective women everywhere will hate your shitty little ass face when they find this out!!
So... you're in a loving relationship, you have your other half, possibly boyfriend, possibly fiance or EVEN maybe your HUSBAND! Everything is fine and peachy-keen. Next thing you know he goes to the shop and doesn't come back, ever! I know this was always a running joke like oh they'll go to get the milk and never come home, but genuinely think about it. The pain and agony and just utter frustration of someone ghosting you from an actual relationship must be like a knife shot so far through your heart you could pogo from your arse with the bottom! Seriously. They just stop talking, the love of your life, even I can't find this one funny. All I can liken it to is like a death but without the closure of knowing where they are. Imagine that. This is by far THE WORST type of ghost. I don't care what they did (unless it was something horrifically bad) you're partner deserves a reason, just for closure ffs. I can honestly say this shit would turn me into The Bride from Kill Bill or I'd end up in an insane asylum because God knows that kind of shit would have me climbing the walls wondering what happened to my fella, or what bitch was bedding him! Seriously hand me my sword and yellow suit!
Number 2* Social Ghost
I say social but what I really mean is social media, and when I say social media what I REALLY mean is dating app and social media types. Say you start talking to a fella on the likes of tinder (I like to use tinder because I mean who doesn't know tinder? And the tinder dicks and dipshits which I will ALSO cover, and if you don't know about tinder you're far too lucky in the relationship department for my liking soz, not soz), and said tinder guy seems great so you talk a lot and you exchange snapchats, instagrams the lot! You speak, maybe even video chat, video chat not video sex! That's up to you but lets not wander onto sex or I wont get off that one (ha that's what she said). So you're talking, you're flirting, he's becoming a regular in your life, you talk about going out with each other and what you might do together because you get on so well. You even look on tinder and his profiles gone, that's cute he must have realised he doesn't need it since meeting you 😁. The next morning you're expecting that good morning text you've got so used to over the last week or two. No. He might even be online but you hear nothing. You think nah I wont message first that's not how this shits going to go down I'm a lady!! (Far as he's aware anyway, now you're wishing you hadn't told him about how you flashed your boss at the Christmas do for a laugh). Then dinner time hits, you start to turn stalker, snapchat scores gone up, funny your score can go up but you haven't even opened my selfie from this morning you ungrateful little prick! Then you start getting annoyed you can't even slag his micro penis off to your mates or the fact that when he cums he sounds like a motorbike with no fuel going round a sharp corner BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE SEX! Lets fast forward to the next day, still snapchat unread, whatsapp unread, day 3, same and now you block him because you can't be arsed with his blanking bullshit or looking a desperate crank messaging him again. Sad truth is you'll probably never know why. You don't know now, you wont know at all in future. I know you might bump into him on tinder or bumble or anything again, just swipe the other way and get on with your life because the truth it, he's just after a distraction and the next best thing, and the truth with always searching for the next best thing, just like Iphones, there will always be another one in a couple months that may require more attention and have more money pumped into it, but people never miss the Iphone 5,6,7 do they, no! They miss the old Nokia! Because they were reliable, entertaining, had snake and lets face is you can put a case on it to pretty it up. F*** the Iphone babe you find someone with a nokia because I can guarantee they wont have time or patience for that tinder shit... (and they'll have a big snake ;)).
Number 3* The Grapevine Ghost
So you met this one through friends ay! You're best mates fellas exes best mate went to college with your mate from work and told you he had a big one, so of course you jumped on that mamba train and rode your way to not-so-single city. So maybe you have a one night stand maybe you exchange numbers, even date. Things are going boss. You're scribbling Mrs big dick on all your work folders who knows 🤷♀️. You send him the morning arse or titty pic and it gets left on read. WHAT THE FUCK!! Can I just side bar a sec and say any fella who blanks a sexy pic if he's straight... either is gay or has fucking issues, soz but even if they don't want a hard on walking through Costa the least they could do is appreciate the un-comfortability and effort we went through to arch our back, push up our tits, get a good smiley under the bum, a line in the abs, have not too messy bed head and keep a smoldering face without creating too many stress wrinkles ALL while getting the right angle and not having any fat rolls from the VS underwear we got on sale cos we're too fat and skint to get the normal shit? JUST APPRECIATE IT! Anyway where was I...
So he read and ignores it. You let it slide even though your inner Lilith is coming out (don't get that reference search Lilith and Adam from the bible, that's right the first woman wasn't a push over 😘 thank me later). Then he's on and off all day, it's not even that he isn't smart enough to turn off his read receipts and time stamp, it's that he doesn't care! HE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU SEE IT! Cheeky b*****d! Oh you'll care when you come home and see me sitting having a cup of tea with your ma telling her how you wanted to f***ing naked pole vault me across her brand new king size bed matey! But days go by, there's a one word answer here and there, a blatantly uninterested forced question, with no response to your answer every other day. And then one day he just simply doesn't reply. Lucky for you you know his circle (kind of) but then you find out he's back banging Lizzie next door, or talking to his ex, or he's planning to move away. But out of all that NONE of it compares, absolutely NONE, to the cold hard reason... he just doesn't want you. It's horrible. it's a sickening feeling. You think you wont get over it but you will. You think you don't deserve better but you do. You think you aren't good enough but you are, BITCH you we're TOO good that's why he left! Just remember that little golden nugget 😘👸
Number 4* Fuckboy Ghost
Pretty self explanatory, so basically this one will f*** you off soon as he either gets what he wants and gets bored, or when he realises that you aren't going to give him what he wants. This one is a little similar to the social ghost. So the 2 scenarios I'm sure we have all come into close proximity of are:-
A) He got what he wants, he's used you, abused you and now he wants to lose you, and you don't mean anywhere near as much to him as he might have lead you on to believe, so what easier way to avoid the non sense and all the drama (that f***boys don't deal with) than to just ghost. One minute you're going on sporadic dates and getting the glorious half arsed non loving relationship that you hate to love, and the next... nothing. Just like what he thought you were (Find him and Nair his pubes babe, don't even warn him just do it).
or
B) He knew he wasn't going to get what he wanted so he grew tired, I mean what's a f***boy without the f*** right? How is he going to brag to his mates about the silly girl he's stringing along who NEEDS him and all he's using her for is to get his rocks off, when they are still firmly on? I mean lets be honest we've all seen enough Katherine Heigl films, to know that if a man wants a woman for sex and she says NO and makes him work for it, he's falling in love and they're getting married because he is A.T.T.A.C.H.E.D! And he can't have that, he also doesn't want to completely just end things and get either the full wrath of a sexually frustrated woman (far as he knows) scorned, or for the woman to not be arsed because end of the day if you haven't give it up what is there for him to take? And trust me, these silly little boys can't take the rejection so better just to vanish into thin air...
Number 5* The PolterGhost
This is one of my absolute favourites, in a matter of speaking. I call this the polterghost because he's noisy in doing so! Ghostng is usually a technique where someone will stop speaking to someone, say nothing, do nothing and just cut you off as we all know. But... a polterghost is definitely someone who ghosts, then appears back into your life with a BANG! No explanation no rhyme or reason, no nothing. These are usually people you had quite a good situationship with, meaning you were pretty much together and things were really solid at the time and they just VANISHED!!! Did an absolute Houdini and f***ed you off! Left you in the dark like Bell in New Moon where she does fuck all for about 75 years until she tries to kill herself in on that dodgy motorbike. EXCEPT it's like he knows you are moving on. You're getting your life in order, your hair is looking shiny, your lips are plump and red, if you were a dog right now you'd be a full blown f***ing pedigree number 1 show dog! You're looking good, your feeling sexy and you are an independent woman who definitely don't need no shit for brains man with a sub par penis. Then BANG! He hits you with a "Hi babe are you okay? x" as if f*** all happened!? Like how DARE you! You're angry, you're seething, you're an absolute basket case of emotion perfectly capable of ripping his swizzle dick off and using it as a f***ing pea shooter (because we both know it shoots things out at lightening speed), but what do you say "Oh Hello You" and the cycle begins again. The polterghost isn't capable of just fading away and staying the bugger balls away, no, he has to come crashing back so loud and so abruptly and so frigging confidently that you kind of just stand there in shock only able to use technological recordings and screen shots as proof to your friends that this ACTUALLY just happened.
Of all of these ghosting's none of them are okay, you should always always have an answer, but you know what, sometimes you may not get one. And you need to leave this alone. Send paragraph after paragraph of angry messages demanding an explanation and demanding respect! do it! If you're blocked it wont matter anyway. Just don't turn psycho stalker alright because that might be why he's run away and keeps on running! But let me leave you with this, shout, scream, cry, hate him if you have to. Because I've said to so many of the girls, hating the one who hurt you is so much healthier than hating yourself, because after time, maybe a long time, that hate will go and he will just turn into a funny story you tell to your friends and newbees. If you hate yourself THAT is a slippery slope, and one you may not come back from. Because sometimes people don't gel, sometimes they do but other people have their own problems and just aren't ready to talk or admit to them. You do you and be proud of who you are, and if someone ghosts you, then babe, maybe it's your time to see the light...
...Fuck you Casper you started it all.
Until next time dudes and dolls...
Don't be a stranger and stay safe
x.x