From sexy... to Sane

I've just been sitting here thinking about the different types of men I've gone out with and the ones I seem to encounter and over the last 9 years I have been dating, there have been a lot. Please don't confuse dating with having sex.

And it seems to me that my tastes and what I look for in a partner have changed dramatically over the years. I know I have had a really varied life- especially my dating life, but in all reality show me someone who hasn't.

I don't know if I would prefer to have met the love of my life when I was 18 like I used to want or if I would rather be sat exactly where I am right now, single but knowing what I do.

When I was 17 I wanted to date a guy that was my age, sweet, kind, caring, with dark eyes and a 6 pack, and that is exactly what I got. But with that also came the neediness of a man too overly sweet, the expectations of someone who was too kind and caring when I wanted to just enjoy my teens and college years. I got the boy who wanted the forever future to the point when I was 19 he was planning out MY future, because to him that was OUR future. So I bolted. This I don't regret at all, the relationship had it's ups and downs but taught me what I did and didn't want in the future. He also turned crazy stalker on me and made a collage of our 'stuff' I couldn't tell you what that stuff was but what ever, he also left his movie octopus in the middle of my bedroom floor when I kicked him out because of that time my dad turned me into a human cock block for the mating octopodes in Tenerife (he didn't know they were there or what they were trying to do) I will explain this story if anyone wants to hear it. It's okay though, I got my own back when I stood watching out my bedroom window as he was stuck walking round in circles in my street because he didn't put his contacts in and didn't have a clue where he was going - Ha!

Next up we had the lad that most girls want, he was chivalrous, nice car, dressed nice, looked exactly my type to a tee, took me nice places etc. At first. But the lad had zero banter and even less sex drive. He put little to no effort into things once he had asked me to be exclusive - note exclusive not boyfriend and girlfriend - this will be important when I tell the story of me and him! But we had nothing, to the point I told him one day I might as well be sat with my grandad because there was absolutely nothing there between us. I'm not a complete bitch he had this coming after letting me down numerous times, and never putting effort in unless I left him. We all go through these types of things I suppose. But he is the one I stayed with for the looks FOR TWO YEARS, something I now know was ridiculous but taught me one huge lesson in life - don't just go for looks!

Fast forward to my "special friend" Not my usual type but something I could definitely get on board with at this point in my life. WOW can we say nightmare?! This started great but spiraled into nothing really quickly. Lets just skip to what this one taught me and if anyone wants to see THAT story let me know because it's dying to get out there. The lad was what I thought I definitely wanted at that point - besides his job but again I'll save that for the full story. He was tall, really manly, funny to the point I couldn't breath, literally my best friend at the time. But he had a blatant drinking problem that I was too blind to see at the time, and why you ask? Because I would always see him when I was out, and because he worked nights I never saw what he was upto in those hours - or who he was getting upto I suppose. It took me one short week of the 6 months we were on and off as friends to more than, to realise that he had a drinking problem. And this was also the type of lad who NEVER takes blame for anything. Through the arguments and mind games he made me realise that I really do want someone who is my bestfriend, but also knows their limits and ambitions and not just someone who talks about every aspiration under the sun but refuses to move out of their parents home due to having to pay for rent and sacrifice beer, even when they have the money. (side note, if they call you midday through the week drunk often, probably a warning sign - I was young and stupid Okay).

I'll put this as the last one, this one was another compromise - I met this guy online. He was amazing, he had a kid but I've learnt to be open to dating someone with children being that I don't hate kids any more so I suppose I have grown up, either that or I'm even more immature now and I get on with them because we're on a mental level, I don't know. But I thought okay, he's a great dad, gorgeous looking - even if he doesn't have brown eyes. But looks aren't everything right? He gave the attention. The open mindedness I need. The thought. The plans. The future. The relationship - even when he didn't want one? WARNING!! But he was a class A narcissist, any psychologist could analyse him in 3 seconds flat from our text conversations alone. He taught me that with every man with children can come complications with an ex, but with every ex and child comes a reason they aren't together and an emotional and psychological tie they have. There also comes the possibility that they aren't over this ex, or even worse, that they aren't a good parent at all but use their child to win women over. The WORST thing you could do! With the attention given to me also came the un-divided attention that he was giving to other girls, one in particular (side note women find out everything, and if we're girls girls, we also have each others backs), I say un-divided because this bell end would text us both from 6.30am-1am every single day, and he worked, WHO HAS THIS MUCH TIME?! Maybe if he put this much effort into one girl he could of sexually satisfied atleast one of us instead of being a completely over anticipated disappointment, just a thought, we can all learn :). With the little things that he remembered also came the fact that he had a FANTASTIC memory which was splendid for remembering the lies he told and the secrets he kept. And worst of all, the plans he used to make, well good job I don't get attached too easily because I wasn't the only girl he was making these with either, and it wasn't long before those plans became memories of the idea of a life someone else I didn't even know had put in my head. Now my perfect ideal of a man has changed - from a dark haired, dark eyed, sweet, obsessed man, with a six pack - to just a nice man, who is a genuine best friend, with a good heart. Yes attraction is important I'd be lying if I said it wasn't, but at some point you have to think. What is more important, a man who is sexy or a man who keeps it in his pants and has his sanity?