This is a subject so close to my heart, womens rights and equality, because yes, for those of you who weren't already aware, I...am a woman 😱.
I am the first to shout I am a feminist, and I don't mean the shout and scream at any woman who is made happy by finding the love of her life (or love of the night) in a man. I am constantly asked "so do you hate men then?" NO! No I bloodywell don't and I know so many who also don't, I don't hate someone because they have a penis (in fact I'm quite familiar of the penis, I love his work 😉 hold the dick pics), or love someone and give them the BOTD because they have a vagina either, I hate everyone equally if they are an asshole and everyone has one so... equal! Before I go further let me just squash this my way. Feminist = the belief that women and men should have equal rights and opportunities (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/feminism) Man Hater = A person who hates men. There, now that we know the difference, lets carry on shall we?
I am sick to death of all things being so one sided, the good and the bad, women can get away with ladies night, the whole women not being held as accountable as men for domestic abuse when they abuse men, mothers having more rights than fathers straight off the bat even when they are the worse parent, I have watched this happen with my own eyes and it boils my blood and shakes me to my very core! BUT I'm not talking about that today, what I DO want to talk about is the over sexualisation of women and why it, for some reason is ALWAYS our fault when we are sexualised while we are just minding our own business.
Let me run a few things by you that have knocked me sick, especially lately in 2018, and also some things that just make me so so so ANGRY in general.
I'm a hot head yes, the red hair is a warning! But it is never without cause, and below you will see a few things that make me extremely angry.
One MASSIVE trigger of mine is where people, especially men will say things to me that they would never say to another man! "Smile" I'm walking down a street minding my own business and I get a random man older than my dad quite clearly who shouts over "smile", so I pivot! Ofcourse I do, because this is Matthew Street in town and I was taking a short cut. I realised he was talking to me and the altercation went like this Old Man: "Smile love". (I'm already seething) Me: "WHAT?!" OM: "smile love you'll look better" Me: "And who are you to tell me what to do with my face? Would you say that to a man???" (at this point a woman who was walking in the opposite direction had slowed way down) OM: "what? No!" Me: "So then why the f*** do you think you've got a right to say it to me? I don't have to do anything with my face and if you don't like it don't look at me, I didn't ask for YOUR attention or your input so I suggest you mind your own business and if you wont say it to a fella don't bother saying it to a random girl you don't know, understand?!" OM: "er, er" and he looked like he had quite literally dropped a deuce in his slacks! The woman walking in the opposite direction had literally stopped to watch because I doubt anyone was expecting my response, if any and she goes "good on you love, cheeky b***ard!" safe to say I was bloody proud that I stood up for myself, even if it seems I was blowing something out of proportion my point is this... I didn't ask for his in put, I certainly didn't want the attention of a man aged 50+ when all I was doing was minding my business walking through town and I did NOT want a sexist remark like that, I'm minding my life I suggest you mind yours. But this was just ONE case, one teeny tiny thing but I want it to make a ripple in the world we live in because God forbid I ever have a daughter and she has anyone being sexist toward her male or female! And my WORD, if I ever have a son and he is disrespectful to women ie wolf whistling, stopping a woman getting past until she gives her number, touching a woman in any way shape or form she isn't comfortable with OR tells a woman where she belongs in life (fun fact: I burn shit).
Cases where sexism won are the worst thing, they make me so so angry and recently I think everyone is aware of this, the one case that started the #thisisnotconsent movement where there was a girl in Ireland who took the accused to court for alleged rape! And what did the defence use to try and acquit him? They held up the young womans thong, asking the jury to look at how she was dressed. LOOK AT HOW SHE WAS DRESSED??? She was wearing a fucking thong with a lace front so what?! Are we completely over looking the fact that she should have had to have given consent before it got to the point where he even saw that? Are we completely ignoring the fact that you would have to take off the outer layers of clothing to see what she was 'wearing' underneath? It is called underwear because you wear it under your clothes. Not f***ing over it! It takes me back to a story of a 15 year old rape victim in Scotland a good few years ago who committed suicide after being raped by a young man, he wasn't found guilty but AGAIN her underwear was used against her. And I'm not going to side step over the fact that these 'Jury's' are showing a rape victims underwear!!! I don't want people to be seeing my underwear and that's just me because they are personal! Never mind showing the one thing these poor women have tried and tried to fight to keep on and had to relive the whole ordeal by looking at these pieces of material again, and then had people judge something so huge on something so private! So what if I was going full on commando under my dress because people can be bitchy and laugh at underwear lines. So what if I go commando because it's laundry day and I've threw the LOT in there and don't like the ones I have left over. So f***ing what if I have absolutely no underwear on at all because I just don't want to f***ing wear it! It's MY body and absolutely no one has the right to touch it but me, unless I SAY SO!!! If anyone is to be raped (God forbid) I say they should have the right to do what the f*** they like to the person or people who did this to them and as far as I'm concerned human rights activists can shove it up their arse because the second you take away someone elses human rights being the right to say no to sex! Is the moment you should be completely stripped of yours!
I feel so strongly because I have had my own experiences, in fact I remember I was about 19 in town and yes me and my friend were very drunk, so what it's my right we weren't hurting anyone, we were living life same as most our age! Talking in a club in between 2 floors and all of a sudden I'm pulled in a fire escape (you could only unlock it from the outside). I was so drunk but I still knew what was going on, a man about 6 ft 2 was pinning me to a wall. I wasn't scared I was angry! Angry that he thought that because I was drinking he could do what he wanted. Angry that I had never spoken to him yet because I am small and wearing a dress so if he wants it he can take it. Angry that no matter how much I said no he still thought because he could over power me that gave him the right to carry on. And ANGRIER STILL that he could do this to a girl who would freeze! I was telling him to stop, through drunken eyes, the vision was getting clearer, nothing like this situation to sober you up, every second counts! He wouldn't let go. Still to this day I don't know how I got the strength, but I push him and he fell down some stairs. Out of nowhere the music from the club got louder and my best friend appeared shouting come on come on and held her hand out, we left and didn't look back! Never to this day have I known what happened, or how he got out of that fire escape so quick, but unfortunately he did. But we both knew what he would have done if I hadn't got him off me and she hadn't showed up and I thank God for that all the time. But others aren't so lucky. It's always easy to speculate, easy to say why did you do this, why didn't you do that? And it wasn't until then that I realised I would never again say that to someone, because timing and frame of mind is everything, not to mention having someone who has your back always. I am lucky that in times of need I have been good at thinking and acting under pressure. And I wont lie, this along with a few other things, is a huge contributor of why I go to Krav Maga, and why I think every woman should know some form of self defense, better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it although I hope we never ever do!
Over sexualisation and body shaming
#freethenipple I completely stand by this! Men can walk around topless in so many places yet the second a woman was to do it this would all of a sudden be NSFW and deemed inappropriate! Okay I agree with NSFW I don't think anyone should be walking round the office with their man boobs on show or their DD's, but you know what if they did I wouldn't want them arrested, we came into this world naked so it shouldn't be such a big deal to see people walking around like this, but it is? Because we have been conditioned this way and I am just over it. If I was comfortable enough with my body and didn't feel cold like a bitch I'd 100% walk around naked and argue that it is my God given natural right to walk around naked.
Dress code! Ohhhhh if my old manager could see this now. My manager was great, however the bigger FEMALE manager was not! Now this massive company I used to work for was notorious for double standards and not the type you probably think I mean. No, the double standards I mean are the body type double standards. Me and some of the girls started noticing that if a girl was on the chunkier side then they could get away with wearing absolutely ANYTHING they wanted and our big boss wouldn't bat an eye lid, but I swear if you were a UK size 12 or below you were ostracized massively! I will always remember one occasion where I was pulled aside by my manager and she looked so uncomfortable and I knew exactly what this was about because it was the second or third time I had been pulled for this that week - it was the way I was dressed. My manager had no issue with it, she was my friend and she always complimented my clothes, hair, nails etc. But this day I was just furious! I worked in a huge call center and for anyone who has ever worked in one I'm sure you know that women in a call center get away with wearing a lot of stuff and follow trends usually. This was the season of wet look/leather leggings and I had wore them a good few times, I got pulled a side and told that I wasn't allowed to wear them again (they wouldn't send me home because it took me 1 hr 15 mins each way to get home) and when I asked why and said that loads of girls were wearing them I was told by a rather red faced manager "because your bum is pulling focus". SAY WHAT?!?!?!?! Anyone who has ever met me knows how much I am against this sort of shit and I just flipped out, I started off a bit loud, then louder then LOUDER! I was like PULLING FOCUS?! And she went "it's not me Gem I think you look gorgeous, and you have a lovely body but she has told me to tell you this because apparently the boys are looking" BIG, FAT, NO! So I said "I'm so so angry about this but I wont take it out on you! But something will be getting said!" walked back onto the floor and the big boss (emphasis on big because this woman was known for being quite sizeist against the smaller framed women). She goes to me "Oh no more wearing your disco pants this isn't the place for them, you know your bum" in front of 3 teams including my own, and my mate saw my face and went red so I thought I have 2 options here I can be as angry as I am and blow up just like she wants, OR I can be just as much of a bitch and really piss this stupid fucking truck stop faced bowl headed t**t right off! So I stood there and shouted "YES I ALREADY KNOW YOU DON'T APPROVE OF MY BUM, BUT MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED STARING AT MY BUM AND STARTED STARING AT THE QUARTERLY WE'D BE ON TARGET. Everyone doesn't need to know you've been looking at me that much :)". and I swanned right past her desk and sat down and my team were laughing because they always expected me to flip being the younger hot head I was.
I have been hit with the dress code more times than I can or care to count, at least 3 times in that company though always by the same stupid old crow!
Finally Yes more over sexualisation and dressing!
I have been planning on writing about this for while now, and yes, it has no structure because I want this to be as honest, natural and free flowing as possible as I do with all my articles because I want them to be an absolute honest reflection of myself just like if we were talking in person.
I found it so fitting that today I saw an article about Holly Willoughby and her clothing choices on I'm a celebrity and I have only one thing to say on this - don't like it, don't look! People fuming giving her s**t for expressing her fashion sense! Sorry legs offend you, does this mean we all have to chop them off now, when does the PC end? People saying she distracted from the show hahaha! Sorry I must have missed it when she did the slow can can through camp, or when she did a skirted head stand right next to Harry Redknapps delicious dinner of eyeballs and testies! sorry she really is a disgrace right?!
The woman looks amazing, but people will always hate! What bothers me more is how many women are slagging the woman off because she is showing her legs, in Australia, in the heat! Sorry so you walk around in high degree heat fully clothed so much so that your eyeballs sweat? And before anyone even tries the "yes but she's on tv and kids watch" well if you are 'responsible' enough to let your child watch people eating kangaroos penis' and sheep testicles then a beautiful woman's legs are the least of your parenting worries okay! So she is wearing short dresses, and? Is it her fault if your fella/son/ daughter can't control their urges towards her? No! That is completely down to them, just like when schools tell their young girl students to wear certain things because it distracts the boys! Well it shouldn't. And if it does, take said distracted students and put them in separate classrooms until they CAN control themselves!
Stop blaming women because other people can't be trusted! If people can't control their urges they need professional psychiatric help before they endanger the lives of others innocently living their 'best life'. Don't touch someone who doesn't give you consent/permission because you may find yourself a lot worse off than the victim and trust me I will be routing for them and protesting their right to defend themselves by any means against predators! KEEP YOUR HANDS AND YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF!
We are women, not objects, we aren't anyone's to tell how to look, how to dress, how to act, how to think, how to smell, how to walk, how to mother f***ing talk (if I want to swear I will suck it Meredith) or how to be a 'lady'. You can't be a woman wrong. If you are a woman you are the youest you there is and absolutely NO ONE has the right to tell you you're doing it wrong. Leave people to their own standards and expectations. Let people tell you who to be... then laugh and be you anyway :).
I'm a woman and like Marilyn Monroe said "I don't mind living in a mans world, as long as I can be a woman in it".
And aint that the truth girls!
I hope this opened peoples eyes a bit, it's a scary world being a woman sometimes, so much against us but so much to gain. Lets hope people take stock of this, and if you don't agree, you should have left my page ages ago and please don't come back :).
Until next time Ladies and Gents
Don't be a stranger and stay safe
x.x
