He falls under so many names some of which including St Nicholas, Father Christmas, Chris Cringle, Santa Calus, Pere Noel and even Old Man Christmas (although I've never heard it). We've all seen pictures of the big guy. We've seen a million and one films, we've even seen the spin off horrors and heard stories of the krampus. But who really WAS Father Christmas and where did this magical man come from? Why do people tell kids about this tubby little man (I say little, he always looks about 6'5) who flies on a sleigh pulled by magical flying reindeer, squeezes down your chimney, leaves your kids prezzies after he's been WATCHING them all year... or gives them lumps of coal for being naughty? Either way he drinks your drinks and eats your mine pies. You know if he was made up these days people would say "This is a pervert". They would, and we all know it, the world is totally obsessed with political correctness (or un correctness). But do we actually know the origins of this man, because lets call a duck a duck here, and this duck has stolen baby Jesus' thunder, so lets crack on...
The story goes that Jolly old St Nick was actually a 3rd century monk called St Nicholas. All the info I've looked up points out to him being born around 208 AD in Patara which was near Myra in Turkey. Basically this man is St by name St by nature! So the story goes that he was a rich man due to his parents inheritance when he was left orphaned (pause for the sadness and loveliness of this man). There were 3 sisters from a poor family and as we are all probably aware back in those days women weren't worth anything, I mean the father had to offer the future hubbs family money just to take them off his hands, so if your dad moans about paying half for our wedding tell him to sucker up, at least you will have left there before your future in laws have any type of link to your life. So this dad didn't have money as we are aware by my use of the words "poor family", and in order to get money this father was basically stuck between a rock and a hard place in the fact that he was possibly going to sell his own daughters into slavery or prostitution!!! (Tell your dads to remember that next time they moan about you costing him money, and you remember that next time you moan you're hard done by when daddy wont let you burn his plastic on line.) Now Nicholas knew about this, and with him being wealthy he was obviously a good egg and decided HE was going to be the one to pay the dowry. Of course he couldn't do this in person so he snook out and dropped the money down the chimney of the family which then landed on a stocking presumably drying over the fire place. This all comes in to play with the whole stocking fillers situation, why the tree... I don't know we shall venture into that. The family was of course shocked in a good way at their little angel looking over them. He the proceeded to do this for the second daughter and when it happened the second time the father really wanted to know where all this money was coming from. So in order to find out he hid by the fire place until this happened again (I mean of course it would, some generous stranger cared more about his daughters well being than he did right?!) the third time he caught him. St Nick asked him to please not tell anyone because he didn't want anyone to know what he had done (I know right, angel man) but this man couldn't just be grateful and keep his trap shut and he told the people about it, I'm sure this spread like wild fire because I mean back then people didn't have anything else to entertain themselves right? So from then on when any anonymous gift people received was said to be from our jolly old St Nick.
Interestingly this man wasn't JUST known for being kinder than Ned Flanders with the money and gifts, he was also known of as the protector of children and sailors. Why sailors you may or may not ask? Because lets be honest sailors don't need dowry's right? No they don't but you know what they did need... saving! I don't know what I'd prefer, to be sold into the sex industry or to be killed by a scary big ocean whirling and twirling, I'm scared of octopuses but I think I'd take that! Now these sailors prayed to St Nicholas to come save them, because, why not? And the legend goes that within moments he was stood there, on deck, in front of them in the flesh so to say. So not only was this man generous he was more friggin magical than Dynamo! You go Santa pants! and apparently he calmed the waves and stopped the storm and enabled the men to get safely back to shore. He really was a class A gent! Where was he when I nearly got drowned by a bloody octopus in a rock pool in teneriffe??? Probably pissing himself laughing with me mum and dad while a mini kraken was lassoing it's body worms round my poor little legs.
Why the red suit? Now it may shock you all that not everyone is as much a fan of the colour red as I am! I love it, my bedding, my clothes, loved it so much I paint it on my head and leak when it rains! I know the common belief (including my own until I researched it because I'm an inquisitive little soul) that his original outfit was tan in colour (I know, ew) and got changed in 1931 when a an artist from coca cola drew it to match their famous red and white. But this isn't true, as much as we can attribute the way he looks, like a happy tubby little chunky monkey with his specs and nice warm grin, they weren't responsible for the colour of his clothes! They were actually depicted as red and white because monks robes were red and white, and sooner or later we were going to fuck it up in our own jazzy little way and so the fur came into play! I know you could counter it by saying 'but monks robes come in loads of different colours' ye well there are different types of elephants but people only ever seem to draw the African ones so hush up we are simple people!
Why the tree? This one is thrown back to a time I can't even pin point, probably because people didn't have social media to document every little detail of their life "Look mother, thy meal is on thy instagram" they didn't have that so probably just knocked on each others hut doors and showed each other what was in their bowls before eating, gota get that moral support haven't ya? Yeah, don't think so. Years and years ago trees that were green all year were seen as special and had a really special meaning for winter. In some countries the people even believed that every green trees and plants would ward off witches, illnesses and pretty much any evil entities. Funny I'm sure my exes ma had little bonzi trees in her house and she was deffo a demon witch hybrid in her friggin dressing gown and slippers, I might just knock and start launching small fir trees at the crank MELT WITCH, MELLLLLLT!
It has also been linked to the winter solstice. In the olden days a lot of people believed that the sun was a God (as do quite a few religions, I mean some of my mates are right sun worshippers.) and they thought when winter came it's because the sun God was sick (aw I just think that's dead cute) and the evergreen plants reminded them that all the plants and flowers etc would return when the sun God would return strong in Summer. I really like that one I think it's really cute! There are so many other reasons we have them eg, England adopting the decorating a tree from German culture, but this was just a little kind of added fact, this was supposed to be about Santas suit remember. But like I said he robbed Jesus' birthday Thunder and he had a magic star, angels AND 3 wise men so as my best mate would say - pish posh.
Now I hope that you've enjoyed this at least a little bit, feel free to tell me it's shit and you want something less informative and more funny or sexual or interesting, anything. I'm deffo open to criticism and ideas as well as any praise, and everyone has been so so supportive who has crossed this blog. I'm just trying to focus on Christmas, you know, over Christmas. This seemed like a good one because I'm dead nosey and like to know origins of stuff as well as ex bashing my mind does think about other things than tiny penis' and disappointing sex!
I ho ho hope you like it and give it a big love! (And forgive me for that ho ho hope choice, it felt good at the time).
So as always my little nut crackers (ha).
Don't be a stranger and stay safe!
x.x