Paint the scene girls, and guys ;), you're single, looking for love and stumble upon someone you think seems great... or at least good enough, we've all been there. And you think to yourself, yes, this is the one, or at least a decent doofer. We all wish we had at one time in life someone to tell us, girl... this is a fuck boy!! Now I'm usually this person for my friends and family, and now I will be that girl for you too because lets be honest if you're still here, you're a part of the group now. So please see below six small signs he's a fuckboy, and why YOU should get the hell out of there!
1) He asks you to 'chill' on your first date
Ladies, we've all been there, you meet a nice guy, he seems to have his shit together, he's a laugh, tall, beautiful to look at and makes you laugh, right? He wants to see you and what does he say 'I'll come round and we can chill' NO! Chill is a fucking temperature you tight ass little twonk. If you are over 16 chill isn't a viable first date. I get people have money issues but come on, if he drives, goes out a lot, works. Or just if the lad WORKS, if he values you or your time, he will NOT be asking you to chill. Take him up on this and you're inviting yourself to fuckboy city my sparkly little horndog.
2) He sends a dick pick (cue the eye roll).
I've spoke to a lot of men, I've spoke to a lot of manchildren. Men will NEVER send a woman a dick pick. A man child however, will. If I don't know you or we're dating, unless I explicitly request one, nothing is going to put me off wanting any part of you, like me opening my phone at family dinner and being greeted by what can only be described as an angry one eyed slug with a droopy speed bag behind it accompanied by a 😉 emoji, followed by '🙈 I shouldn't have sent that' when I don't reply. Just don't do it, you don't catch many women pulling off the naked yoga poses, stretching our legs over our head to snap snide pics of our flulahs to send to a guy we liked the look of on tinder at 3pm on a Tuesday friggin afternoon do you?! No! fuckboys are not called fuckMEN for a reason.
3) He slags off... his ex!
Now girls and guys, if a fella is slagging his ex off unprovoked, the odds are he is the reason she is 'a crazy' 'a crank' or 'the reason HE is single' when a man blames his ex for him not having a girlfriend, keep that shit at arms length okay! You're only opening yourself up for some other women type shit. Trust me it's going to go 1 of 2 ways. Either he's lying and it's on him, he's single because he keeps trying to slither back into his exes bed like the lying slimy little snake he is. Or she IS batshit crazy and you're going to walk home to a rabbits head in the boiling pot.
4) He says he 'doesn't want anything serious' babe just listen to him on this one OK. If he says it he means it, it doesn't mean you can change him, it doesn't mean agree to fuck buddies just so you can reel him in with sex. No, it doesn't work. I've personally never tried but I know a few good women who have tried to play it cool but just ended up on the floor in the toilets on a night out dripping mascara and snotting everywhere a hysterical mess because he's been on a date with someone else. You're setting yourself up for pain, and what's worse, you will have no one to blame but yourself. And you can't block you online and run away can you?!
5) He causes arguments with you when he wants to go out.
Oh no no no. If he's pulling THIS shit, girl you know he's wanting a bit of strange. Now everyone is entitled to a falling out, but if you start to notice a pattern of him causing murder on a Thursday/Friday and he's out every Saturday and crawling back up your arsehole every Sunday when he's hungover, you know he's a bad bad fuckboy and he's using the arguments and 'breakups' for an excuse to sleep around and get none of the blame. Because end of the day he's not in the wrong. If you have told him you don't want him, expecting him to think of you all night (when in reality he's playing tonsil tennis with some easy target on the dance floor, not giving you a second thought until he's lonely and depressed on a come down the next day), then you can't blame him for doing what ever he has done, because thanks to you playing into his hands, he was single at that point, right?
6) last but not least on this list... the WORST of the fuckboys there ever has been, is, or ever will be.
The "NICE" fuckboy
Oh girls girls girls, this one we all know! He will take you out, he will remember the little things because he knows what's important in order to get what he wants. He will insist on meeting your family and your friends. He will call himself lucky, he will buy you the flowers, the nice dates, speak to you all day long and give you all the effort and attention so you are completely besotted. Until he doesn't!!! He will gas light you something ruthless. If someone acts too good to be true, then they are. I'm sorry but this isn't 50 shades or Twilight. You aren't going to find some 100 year old virgin vampire who breaks the bed and will be your life, but you might meet someone who acts like this and then turns into an emotional vampire, sucking the life and soul out of you while he impregnates some daft bitch from 20 minutes down the road on the off chance you wont find out, because you don't have facebook or friends who love gossip?!
Go. With. Your. Gut. Don't let them bloody butterflies beat you here. The good guy doesn't need constant assurance.
He doesn't need to be talked up by his friends. And he WONT insist constantly that he would never even talk to anyone else while you are dating, because a REAL good guy does all the above with his OWN actions. Think, would you constantly tell a security guard you aren't robbing? When you're not? Would you tell your best friend you haven't slagged them off? Would YOU constantly tell your S/O that you wouldn't even look at someone attractive? No because you wouldn't over compensate for things or state what you consider normal adult behavior - for NO reason!
A little tip from someone who is single because she's been through so much bullshit and so many wasters in disguise in the past - listen to your instincts and if you don't feel good with him from the beginning, you gots to get gone sweetheart!!
Until next time girls and guys,
Don't be a stranger, and stay safe.
x 😘 x
