Shout it loud so i can hear it from the back TRUST YOUR GUT!
If it walks like a crank, and acts like a crank, then my love you have yourself... a reason to run!
But sometimes life isn't that easy am I right? Now I pride myself on my openness and honesty, in that I admit I can be a crazy, however there have been instances where I get asked out, or actually DO go out with a grade A control freak and think oh no babe someones mother must have tied the nappy too tight because your mental situation isn't working here.
Now I think I have a pretty good radar for people like this, mainly because I'm a control freak. But I'm a control freak with my own life, so maybe the tele has to be on a 5 or a 0 and I refuse to put my shoes on left to right for a change, but that's my shit and I don't throw it round like an angry monkey in a cage alright?!
So sit back, maybe grab a glass (or bottle) of wine, and stick with me while I tell you 5 signs he's a complete control freak, and how YOU can escape with the best damage control.
#1 Who's that?
So you've been seeing each other for a few weeks (I say a few because 2 is too fast and by 4 you'll already be on your heels so we go with three) and PING you get a friend request or notification. Now people be very careful here because there is a difference from someone trying to suss out if you're worth their time and someone who is loonier than taz on crack. If this seems accusatory, listen to your gut and get gone. The thing to remember about a control freak is they are usually extremely good at manipulating, I mean you have to be calculated to be in control, practically text book narcissist and if you feel you have to over explain or over analyse your relationships with other people or feel panicked or pressured into possibly getting rid of said people from your life, then you need to think ahead and wonder, how much of my own life am I in control of here?
How to get out of this one you may ask? Remain calm. If you want to suss out if this is a genuine question or someone basically telling you 'you're ass is mine' then the way to go about it is simple. I like to choose one of two techniques and they go like this...
Spearhead it - by this I mean hit this head on, if you think someone is accusing you then you have every right to hit back, however going about it calm but stern would be my route. Simple honesty with a question after this is usually the best way to go, ie "he's my mate I've known him for years, why what's up?" I honestly feel like this tells him how you know him, it's vague enough for him to pry more if he wants BUT you've already asked if there's a problem so if he's already decided he doesn't want any other men in your life, especially so early on, this one may trip him up, either he will give it a simple shrug off and back track "no problem just noticed you've got quite a few fellas on there" or straight in for the jugular "obviously he wants you, you know that don't you". If he says this second one, I swear remain calm and simply put him straight, or if you're less confrontational act as if it doesn't bother you and when he's gone it's time to send 'the text' because lets face it, he's a control freak he doesn't deserve more of your time babe.
Make it comical and see how they react - simple! If you reply with a counter accusatory tone but laughing about it and he genuinely didn't mean this in a Joe Goldberg style way then he will laugh back with you, and you should get an answer along the lines of "no I was just asking, sorry that did sound a bit weird didn't it". If he looks at you dead pan, then again it's time to be done with that one doll.
#2 Has a problem with your mates
I know in every relationship there is usually one 'friend' who the other half doesn't like, and that's fair game. You know sometimes said 'friend' can be horrible to your partner (because they're jealous or unhappy they have stole their man bait), maybe they are a bad influence and try to get you rotten drunk and get you into other guys/girls because they can't stand the thought of being the only single one, or maybe quite simply they are just really shitty friends and your fella/girlfriend can see that a mile off 🤷♀️ it happens. How, the bloody hell ever, if they have a problem with ALL your friends, or all bar the reserved ones who never go out then lets be honest, they don't want you having a life with out them. I know I know everyone hates it when their other half goes out without them especially if you're sat at home doing sod all, because you just have far too much time on your hands to think. But that's life and trust is made in nights like those, I really do believe that if you don't get any drunk calls/texts then they aren't that bothered, but you may or may not be surprised how many people think the same. Just. Like. Me. But never would I agree with anyone trying to stop their partner from socialising with friends. I've known women to flat out STOP their boyfriends from going for food with their mates and the poor boyfriend gets the arse ripped out of him because his mrs wont let him do things, it's immasculating and it's flat out rude! Are you so irrational that it's a toss up between you or a nando's? What do you think he's going to do girl? Fuck a chicken... he'd be lucky to be seen to in less than 45 minutes don't worry.
Bottom line is, your partner doesn't need to be best friends with your friends but they should atleast make an effort. If they are making more of an effort to dislike and put you off your mates than they are to get to know them themselves, then this is a class A control freak. He's going to want to baby you up so you can't run before you can say girls night.
How to get rid? This one might possibly be the most simple. Do NOT turn your back on your girls/guys. I can tell you now there is strength in numbers and I've been in situations where even I have been like hm should I or shouldn't I fuck this one off. Get on the group chat, tell them 1 or 2 things and see what the masses say because sometimes you need an outside opinion and if that opinion is unanimous in the group chat then you know that little niggle in your head was right all along! Go out with your girls, have a ball, take the snapchat vids, the instagram pics, tag the girls in everything and then it's time, with 8 sambuccas in your stomach, grab that phone and you put him straight. Everyone needs their friends. If it wasn't for mine none of my relationships would have lasted past the 2 week mark (and few of them did).
#3 checking them likes and making comments
Now again social media, I blame this for NOTHING! None of that 'if you go looking for trouble you'll find it' nonsense, no! You can dig and dig and DIG, but if there is no trouble you're going to find sod all bar yourself red faced, it's really as simple as that. It's like losing your keys in your mums, you can tear up your living room, your kitchen and your fucking back garden if you want to! But end of the day all you will be doing is stressing yourself and making a big old mess when you could have just rang your mum and asked, right?! Same applies here.
But if you're getting cased, them questions, oh my word. 'Why's he liking that?' 'Well, If you didn't dress like that they wouldn't be liking it' 'he just wants to shag you' first off mate Alex is a female, and she's my cousin I doubt she wants to shag me because I'm wearing leggings and showing too much ankle for your liking. Thing is people like this will always find an issue. You could walk round in a turtle neck and you'd still be showing too much face for these asshats. If you're being social media quizzed every day, you need to call it quits before you deactivate it and slowly but surely cut off all contact with the world because it starts with instagram, but it can end so so much worse.
How to get rid? Stand. Your. Ground! Put him straight. It could be something as simple as assuring him. Or if it is the same lad all the time, feel free to delete them I mean if you don't know/talk to them why would you care? I'm stubborn but if it comes down to them feeling shite and you having a randomer there to randomly like your stuff, I'd choose your partner. But if it is constant and it feels as if they track your stuff, you need to sit them down and ask!! If not call them because I know it isn't that simple for some. If it makes you feel better deactivate it for a little bit until you've ended the relationship because there's a very thin line between a control freak and a full on psycho sometimes and you don't need a crazy having the thought that you're cheating on him with Arnold over in Russia and he was right all along, because sometimes these crazies can act on it.
#4 your clothes 🙄
Fuck fuck fuck ye offy! Sorry for the language but no person should EVER be telling you how to dress. Unless you are wearing crocs and look like you measure your pants by chest size, then I can make my peace with it. But if you have a fella constantly criticising you for 'your skirt is too short' 'you can see your cleavage' or 'it's a bit much' then NO! I have legs I'll use them, I have boobs that I'm grateful for I'll flaunt them if I like, and if I want to dress as a giant fucking toilet roll holder hat and all I will and no one is going to tell me to take it off (unless it's in the bedroom 😉). Seriously if you can't be you and you can't be comfortable then you need to bin that little arse rocket right off! No one gets with someone, likes how they look one minute and changes it afterwards. That is premeditated controlling and they know exactly what they're doing and have had that in their sites since day one!
How to get rid? Well seeing as they have absolutely no problem in telling you straight I advise you do the same. Tell them where to go, flat out rebel, if you're like me anyway. If my ex used to say my skirt was too short or my top was too low you can bet your arse I'd be going out in a cheerleading skirt and 2 belts across my boobs if possible! I know some can get physical and that's a whole other situation. But if it's a case of mental manipulation you have to be strong, get advise from someone close to you, I bet around half of them have been through that. But don't fall apart and think you're worthless or 'don't have the body' always remember a person saying this is insecure that you will find better because you are beautiful. That's as cut and dry as I can throw it at you. You need to talk this out and if they wont let up you need to consider the fact it may be time to pack your mini skirts and teeter out there and find someone who'd never want you to change!
#5 looking at your phone 🤬
Girls and guys if someone is going through your phone I shouldn't have to tell you this but that is WRONG! Honestly I know my fellas passcode it's not bloody hard. But he could, and has actually gone the shop and left his phone with me. Never have I gone through it. Was I tempted? Yes. I'm a nosey cow. But did I? No!!! Who wouldn't be tempted? But the fact they leave it there either means they think you're so thick and they are so smooth you wouldn't bother, OR they have nothing to hide and actually trust you. So if someone is going through your phone, who's this, who's that, why are you speaking to them, why did they say this? Then I'm sorry darling but it's at it's peak and time to say sianara sweetheart before they start replacing your birth control with Pez sweets and GPS tracking your phone (if they haven't already).
How to get rid? Well I'm sorry but from my experience and the experience of people I've seen this happen to, the only way out, is to end the relationship. Yes you may hear rumours about yourself and get the head games and the 'you were cheating all along if you had nothing to hide you wouldn't mind' shouts but end of the day you'll have your freedom and my GOD the ability to breath without someone asking why it's so fast or suspiciously slow is amazing! Besides anyone ever notice the ones looking through the phone never want theirs looking into? Interesting huh?! If this happens one important thing you MUST remember is when they start quizzing you NEVER lose focus, you just need to repeat 'why don't you trust me' because I can guarantee unless you have actually cheated they will have absolutely NO rational answer for this and to clutch at straws it will be a barrage of constant twists and turns in the conversation so you get confused. But don't. Just remain calm (like a psychopath) pack your shit, and leave.
One important thing I want to say is if anyone shows these signs or flat out obvious actions sometimes it's not so easy to see if you're up too close. But as always trust your gut, maybe speak to someone and get a second opinion, but leave. Before it's too late because unfortunately sometimes it is, all too often. And when you do leave, best piece of advice I have ever given to anyone, myself included, is... write it all down. So when they come crawling back, and 9/10 times they will, with false promises and old memories, you wont be fooled. You'll be able to look at what you wrote as soon as it happened and you'll feel it. People don't forget how they were made to feel and this is the best thing you will ever do!
This wasn't my normal comical light hearted style I don't think. But it's so important and like I said earlier it's a very thin line between a control freak and a psycho. Don't believe me, watch 'you' on netflix. Do you want to end up in some anti dust glass box in the basement, no? Me neither. Then pay attention I speak from experience.
And until next time dolls and dudes.
Don't be a stranger and stay safe.
x.x
For anyone who may need it, domestic abuse helpline:
0808 2000 247 refuge for women and children
0808 801 0327 mens advice line